Self-Care – Black Sh33p's Corner

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about boundaries: how people cross them, how we react, and how much of our stress comes from real violations versus our own interpretations. Boundaries exist to protect our well-being. Sometimes, though, it’s hard to tell when someone is actually overstepping versus when our emotions are amplifying the situation.

Some boundary breaches are obvious. Things like someone going through your stuff without asking, breaking agreements, or constantly disrespecting your limits are all factual violations. These are real, no matter how others feel about them.

Then, there are the gray areas. Moments that trigger a strong emotional reaction but aren’t actually violate your boundaries. Stress, grief, and past experiences can make us feel like someone’s out to get us, even when they might not be. That doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t real. It just means it can be hard to tell what’s actually happening versus what your mind is reacting to.

Over time, I’ve learned a few ways to differentiate someone violating my boundaries from reactions:

Separate facts from feelings. Write down exactly what happened and how it made you feel. Seeing them both side by side helps you look at the situation more clearly.
Look for patterns. One-off annoyances happen, but if someone keeps crossing your limits over and over, that’s a problem worth addressing.
Check intent vs. timing. Bad timing can feel personal, but it doesn’t always mean deliberate harm.
Get another perspective. Talking it through with a trusted friend can help you see if your reaction matches what actually happened.
Document and take notes. Keeping records of uncomfortable communications, agreements, and interactions gives clarity and helps you see where the problem resides.

Even when a situation turns out to be more about stress than actual violation, your emotions matter. Feeling frustrated, anxious, or violated is natural. Validating those feelings allows you to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

Figuring out if your boundaries were actually violated, versus stress or overthinking helps you protect your energy, and respond with clarity instead of just reacting. Boundaries are meant to safeguard us. Holding ourselves accountable for how we perceive and react to them, is part of the journey toward personal growth and resilience.