WHEN THE HOLIDAYS DON’T FEEL HOLIDAY-ISH
Some years, the holiday season does not bring joy. It brings pressure and brings memories, and depression. People around you are excited. They are decorating and planning. Meanwhile, you are trying to figure out how to make it through the week. You are not the only one who feels like this. Holiday depression is real, and it does not care what month it is.
A lot of people forget that depression during the holidays can simply come from being tired. This could be the first time all year that your mind and body have had a chance to truly relax. You can finally feel what you’ve been carrying. Then there is so much pressure to be cheerful, positive, and aware. Meanwhile, you just want a moment to breathe.
The holidays have a way of pulling up emotions you thought were healed. You may be discreet or private, which can hinder you from discussing certain memories or losses from the year. Thus, keeping your hurt & pain inside. Yet, holidays have a way of bringing them right to the surface. You see a commercial, hear a song, or watch other families celebrate, and suddenly you feel a shift inside you. It is not always sadness that hits. Sometimes it is the quiet reminder that the people you love aren’t here anymore.
You may think you moved on from certain situations, but the holidays test that without warning. You remember the person who used to be around for this time of year. You remember the routine you no longer have. You notice the change in the people you once felt close to. Even if you have accepted the reality, the feeling of loss still sits in your body.
Sometimes the absence is not even a person. It can be the version of yourself you lost during hard years. It can be the childhood you never had. It can be the safety or stability you never felt growing up. The holidays shine a light on those gaps, and that alone can make the season feel heavier.
You do not have to be visibly upset for this to affect you. Your body and mind remember emotional experiences even when you think you have moved on. The trauma does not stand out noticeably. It can appear in small ways. You feel off. You feel disconnected. You feel like something is missing, but you can’t put your finger on it. It is the season bringing up pieces of your life you never fully healed from.
Everything online makes you feel alone
When you open your phone during the holidays, it feels like everyone else is living inside a perfect movie. The family photos are coordinated. The gifts are expensive. Their houses look to have been professionally decorated. People post highlight moments that make it seem like everyone is connected, supported, and surrounded by love. When you are already struggling, that can make you feel even more isolated. It is not that you want what they have. It is that everything you see reminds you of what you are missing or trying to rebuild.
Social media often fails to show the full picture. You only see the smiles, not the arguments, before the photos were taken. You see the gifts, not the debt or stress behind them. You see the matching pajamas, not the silent tension in the background. When you forget that, it becomes easy to compare your real life to someone else’s carefully edited moment. That comparison can make even a normal day feel heavier than it already is.
Remember: You do not have to pretend for anyone
There is a great deal of pressure to be cheerful during the holidays. People expect you to show up with energy you do not have. They expect you to join in, smile, entertain, and keep the mood light. The truth is, you do not owe anyone a performance. If you need space, take it. If you want to keep your holiday small and quiet, do that. If you choose not to attend every event or gathering, that is your right. You are allowed to protect your mental and emotional health.
You do not have to post anything online. You do not have to prove you are happy. You do not have to keep up with people who only show their best moments. You do not have to match anyone’s energy or expectations. This season is not a test you need to pass. It is a time that affects people in different ways. You are allowed to handle it in the way that feels safest for you.
Social media does not get to decide what your holiday should look like.
A few things that actually make the holiday season easier
You do not need a full makeover of your life to get through the holidays. Sometimes the smallest adjustments make the biggest difference. Start by reducing the pressure you put on yourself. Let the holiday be simple. You do not have to cook a big meal or create a picture-perfect moment. You can choose one small thing that brings comfort. It could be a quiet evening watching something familiar. It might be a warm drink or a routine that calms your mind. It could also be a small treat that makes you feel cared for.
It also helps to prepare for situations you already know will be emotionally draining. When you acknowledge that certain people or places bring up old feelings, you give yourself more control. You do not have to react to everything that bothers you. Sometimes the win is in knowing what might trigger you and choosing how you want to respond.
Most importantly, try to lower your expectations of yourself. You are one person carrying your own experiences, responsibilities, and emotions. You do not have to fix the season or make it perfect. You just have to make it manageable for you. That alone is enough.
Feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or drained this season? Grab the Holiday Depression Workbook now. It’s a real, no-fluff guide to help you protect your peace.
Holiday depression is real. This workbook gives you support, clarity, and simple practices that actually help.
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